Late night rambles part 2

I hate the word “resilient”
For many, it sounds like a compliment
Praise, to have survived.
Yes, I’m a survivor
but at what cost?
To survive is not to thrive.

I’m resilient
only because I suffered.
What do you make of my suffering?
Too many are quick to use the word
but ignore what lies beneath.
Gasping wounds,
a river of shed tears,
fragments left behind
to lighten the load.
To keep going.
To survive.

I’m resilient
Because my soul was broken, yet
My body endured.
I’m still here in front of you
Alive, tired, existing.
It must be courage, bravery,
this resilience you speak of.
I envy those who never had to
become resilient like me.

I envy their blissful ignorance.

I don’t feel courageous or brave.
I felt tired.
Just waiting to expire.
For my body to catch up to my soul.

Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash